Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
