I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
