What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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