lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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