I think scott just propositioned me for sex
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
