I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
