Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Randomize
