How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Randomize
