I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
My dick has a subreddit
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
