Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
