I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
