I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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