toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
