Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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