I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
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