Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
