I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
