no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
