Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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