what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
