ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
