So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
