Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
what day is it and did you see me today?
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
