There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
