so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
