Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
