And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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