haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
i believe in u and ur pee
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
