Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
