you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
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