I look better un-naked...
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Randomize