My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Randomize
