she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
My brain says no but my pants say off.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
