remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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