"it" just moved
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
