I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Randomize
