After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
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