I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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