She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
