I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
When are your genitals available?
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
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