Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Just high enough for therapy.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
