U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
