LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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