Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
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