all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Randomize
