Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
