sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
