therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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