Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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