Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
No subtext here. People are naked.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Randomize
