i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
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