textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
