Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Dear god my vagina.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
