How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
