I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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