You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
