FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Randomize
