Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
