I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Randomize
