Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
