i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
