I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
there is glitter all over my balls
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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