my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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