bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
