Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
