Your dad touched me again.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
