I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize
